were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
worst night to have a conscience
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize