My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
