Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
