Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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