So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
