i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Drunk is not a location!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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