Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
