So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
