lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
