i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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