scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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