remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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