How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
