hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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