At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
