omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
