what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
