i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My cat gives me a boner
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Randomize
