Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
