If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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