Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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