he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
