Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
