pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
