how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
