drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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