yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm drive I can fine osifer
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
