is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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