if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
