Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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