I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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