See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
