Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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