I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
