Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
