Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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