We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
