This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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