it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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