Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I supernannyed him into submission
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
