after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
