using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
