apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
