I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
