on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
