You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
