so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
