Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
