Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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