i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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